Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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