I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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