The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
