Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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