Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Randomize
