Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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