Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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