Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
