my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize