so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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