are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
