I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
No stitches, just platelets and will power
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
