I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
