Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
