That's intense
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
