i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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