Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I love having hate sex.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I'm just crazy horny about you
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Never underestimate the power of titties
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
