Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
