please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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