my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
