he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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