He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Is this like a preordered booty call?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
