I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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