Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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