I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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