I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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