Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
