It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
