So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
