So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
