good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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