Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
