I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
It's rum buckets o'clock
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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