I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Randomize
