is your mom at the bar?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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