Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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