D3 body, D1 cock
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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