the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize