I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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