This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
