apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
what day is it and did you see me today?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
