drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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