why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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