this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
