nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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