Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Everclear isn't food dammit
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
