i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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