we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
