Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
