So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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