Will you blow on my dice?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
