she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
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We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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