were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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