You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Randomize
