I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Actions speak louder than pants.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
