Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
