Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart