I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I will pee on everything he values.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.