shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
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So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
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When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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