You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
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You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
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My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I broke a rule
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.