I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
