I can't breathe out the right side of my face
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
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