Texts From Last Night

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  (626): View more from California

  I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.

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  (626): I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong. http://tfl.nu/s8qo
  Replies (46) Good night (549) Bad night (1432)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.

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  (402): What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho. http://tfl.nu/a5a8
  Replies (43) Good night (5247) Bad night (883)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  well look at the bright side

  (440): View more from Ohio

  maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"

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  (440): well look at the bright side (440): maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant" http://tfl.nu/k7gn
  Replies (6) Good night (681) Bad night (3598)
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  (916): View more from California

  keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something

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  (916): keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something http://tfl.nu/d7nj
  Replies (10) Good night (1252) Bad night (4248)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.

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  (724): You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night. http://tfl.nu/vcog
  Replies (16) Good night (5134) Bad night (1013)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.

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  (313): We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love. http://tfl.nu/ypzc
  Replies (5) Good night (4319) Bad night (832)
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.

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  (604): the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking. http://tfl.nu/g0q9
  Replies (2) Good night (2669) Bad night (711)
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  (204): View more from Manitoba

  I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.

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  (204): I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks. http://tfl.nu/ehmv
  Replies (6) Good night (2114) Bad night (733)
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  (903): View more from Texas

  He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.

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  (903): He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit. http://tfl.nu/92kz
  Replies (21) Good night (5508) Bad night (1401)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.

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  (419): i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go. http://tfl.nu/8sa8
  Replies (29) Good night (2468) Bad night (736)
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  (251): View more from Alabama

  He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.

  (1-251): View more from Alabama

  Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.

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  (251): He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested. (1-251): Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling. http://tfl.nu/pby0
  Replies (9) Good night (3147) Bad night (724)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.

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  (815): He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT. http://tfl.nu/1ipa
  Replies (10) Good night (904) Bad night (1722)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging

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  (208): Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging http://tfl.nu/urdf
  Replies (27) Good night (850) Bad night (2563)
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  (315): View more from New York

  Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.

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  (315): Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline. http://tfl.nu/p7f8
  Replies (4) Good night (408) Bad night (1070)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.

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  (419): Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down. http://tfl.nu/vl8q
  Replies (2) Good night (667) Bad night (245)

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