my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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