your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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