I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
