Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
