why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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