Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Randomize
